Tannic Panic! Issue #142: The Magical Fruit
A Complete Guide to Pairing Wine With Legumes
There comes a time in everyone’s life when they must confront one simple truth: beans are everywhere, and they’re not going away.
And yet, for all their ubiquity, “beans” remain severely underpaired. Entire books have been dedicated to “meats” and “cheeses” – but beans???? Beans are left wandering the culinary desert, clutching tiny little beans of their own and hoping someone, ANYONE, will tell them what to “wash themselves down” with.
That ends today.
This is your definitive guide to pairing wine with beans.
It is “rigorous,” “exhaustive,” and “useful” for every occasion.
The Fava Bean
Green, slightly bitter, bean
Pairing: André Brut
The Pinto Bean
Earthy, soft, tan (UNLIKE ME), bean
The pinto bean.
Pairing: André Brut
The Soy Bean
Protean, global, capable of great cruelty, bean
Pairing: André Brut
The Kidney Bean
Bold, dense (LIKE MY FACULTIES), “renal,” bean
Kidney bean.
Pairing: André Brut
The Great Northern Bean
Mild, creamy, northern, bean
Pairing: André Brut
The Mediocre Northern Bean
Mild, creamy, northern, bean
Pairing: André Brut
The Black Bean
Earthy, rich, black, bean
Pairing: André Brut
The “Butter” Bean
Creamy, lush, pale, buttery, bean
Pairing: André Brut
The “Lentil” Bean
Flat, little, lenticular, bean.
Pairing: André Brut
The Cannellini Bean
Italian bean
Pairing: André Brut
The Navy Bean
[SAME AS CANNELLINI BEAN]
Small, durable, blue, bean.
Pairing: André Brut
The Coffee Bean
Bean, brown, “roasted” (LIKE ME), bean.
Pairing: 2005 Chateau Mouton Rothschild
In Beano Veritas
In beans we trust.
HAPPY “APRIL 1st” YOU ABSOLUTE MANIACS.
Cheers,
Isaac & Zach
😂
Quite the advertisement for Brut eh?