Life’s “milestones” are few and far between: The day you’re “born,” your “wedding day,” various “graduations,” and perhaps even the birth of your son and/or daughter. Oh yes, and who can forget THE DAY YOUDIE.
But few moments in this wonderful little life of ours have greater “functional” or “sentimental” significance than the iconic and “long anticipated” 100th issue of Tannic Panic!
To mark this “transcendent occasion” we decided it would be cute to feature a “100 point wine,” so we wandered down to the local Zeus juicery and bought the cheapest 100 pointer from a reputable critic we could find. Needless to say, after re-scoring it using our infallible system, it barely crested 90. At this point our wallets were all but empty and our eyes were all but bursting with tears.
But then it dawned on us – what better workaround than to simply “make” a 100 point wine ourselves?
The path before us was clear: blend an “objectively” “100 point” red wine using two readily accessible bottles (from Total Wine) at an average price of under $40. In order to keep the price average scalable, the blend would need to work at a 1 to 1 ratio. It couldn’t be more simple.
OUR BLENDING “STRATEGY”
We started by discussing what to use as our “anchor wine” – a bottle that’s nearly there, but that has clearly defined (albeit subtle) “shortcomings.” After a few seconds of vigorous deliberation, we knew where we wanted to start - the Re di Renieri Super Tuscan, which we have tasted before and consistently “deemed” a ~94-95 point wine.
If wine were meat and potatoes, this would be the meat and potatoes of our meat and potatoes, if meat and potatoes were wine. Our $40 bread and butter.
On its own, it’s already an incredible source of vitamins, minerals, and “value,” but as good as it is, it does have a few “quirks” that whisper the balance into question. The acid is a touch sharp (LIKE ME!), the tannins a little astringent, and the body perhaps a tad too lean.
With our “base wine” in the bag, it was time to move on to perhaps the most difficult question we’ve ever had to ask ourselves - what could make this wine even better?
Was it milk?
Lemur juice?
A dollop of Daisy?
Or could it be that another wine contained the “secret sauce” we were looking for?
Here’s what we knew we needed: richness, roundness, ripeness, and of course, a touch of “je ne sais quoi.”
Our first thought was that a good quality Napa Cab may hold the answer. The problem was that finding one of sufficient quality usually involves looking north of $50 – so instead we opted to look north of Napa.
Ultimately we settled on the 2021 Sheridan Cabernet Sauvignon from Yakima Valley as a viable option – in theory, it should provide the right amount of “brooding” rich black fruits and oak spice to round out the wine and add richness, body and additional complexity to the already beautiful but sharp and restrained profile of the Re de Renieri.
Profile: Blackberry, black plum, cherry, violets, roses, cedar, chocolate, dried herbs, bay leaf, forest floor Palate: Dry, high acid, high tannin, full body, long finish
Awesome, passes tests without studying, makes fanny packs look cool, knows how to chop wood with an axe. Slightly acidic and astringent. Extremely food friendly.
Profile: Ripe black plum, black cherry, blueberry, hint of smoke, dill, green pepper, mint, violets, wet stone Palate: Dry, medium acid, medium tannin, full body, long finish
Has never eaten lunch alone in the bathroom. Could rock a mullet, but chooses not to. Lacks some acidity and aromatic complexity, but makes up for it in EQ.
Profile: Red velvet cake, blackberry, black plum, blueberry, cedar, violets, hint of mint, vanilla, chocolate, dried herbs, hint of green pepper Palate: Dry, medium+ acid, high tannin, full body, long finish
Interestingly, upon blending these two wines – a Super Tuscan from Italy (duh) and a Bold Cab from Washington State – the resulting wine is reminiscent of the high end Sonoma Valley Bordeaux blends from producers like Lancaster and Stonestreet. An incredible value at the price, and truly a surprisingly different and synergistic blend of two already solid wine picks. Given their similarity in price, if you were only selecting one, then the Re di Renieri is our strong preference. But combined? Wa wa wee wah. It’s a shame we didn’t think of this 4 issues ago, or we would have achieved our goal! But still, a valiant effort, and one of our best formulas yet. We’ve also included an “Optimum Blend” that ups the point count a little, but it reduces the economics of the choice, since you aren’t left with an excess of the lower scoring Sheridan once the Renieri is fully expended.
Reminiscent of a rich red velvet cake – think decadent, sumptuous chocolate cake with a cream cheese frosting (not sweet, just rich), baked and ripe black and blue fruits (blackberry, blueberry, cherry, plum)
Increases the prominence of the herbaceous and earthy character, and gives it just a touch more acidity and tannic sharpness that lifts the blend up and balances it out to perfection.
A huge thanks to all of you beautiful people for supporting us on this extremely wholesome journey. We couldn’t do it without our fans.
Now please go out there IMMEDIATELY and buy those two wines, mix them together, and tell us how completely unhinged we are for thinking we’ve discovered something incredible.
Or don’t, and instead pitch your baseless ideas for what might kick this blend up to the coveted 100 point mark.
Our comment section is hungry. Feed it.
Until next time, HAPPY DRINKING PEOPLE.
Cheers! Isaac & Zach
Tannic Panic! could rate every wine 100 points if it wanted to. SUBSCRIBE
Good work brothers! Also I enjoyed the dating profile descriptions on these fine wines, a nice addition to the classic point system. If it can’t rock a mullet It ain’t going down the gullet, if you know what I mean.
Ha ha! As someone who works at "The Blending Lab", welcome to my world ;P Blending is never 1+1 = 2 no matter how much logical sense a blend theoretically makes. I find that you can pretty safely predict the structural changes - acidity, body (tannic structure + alcohol), fruit forwardness, sweetness - but where it all falls apart or at least becomes something closer to alchemy is the flavor profile. How it actually TASTES is at least half a shot in the dark every damn time. You have to keep tweaking it in small degrees every which way until it starts to get worse, then revese course. Or introduce a thirid wine, etc. It's a lot.
You know, I think I'm going to post a companion post eiter Friday or next Monday as I just did my own blending experiment, and I'll be sure to plug yours here when I do! Let's see if we can get this blending idea more traction....
Good work brothers! Also I enjoyed the dating profile descriptions on these fine wines, a nice addition to the classic point system. If it can’t rock a mullet It ain’t going down the gullet, if you know what I mean.
🤔 🪵 🪓 📚 🚽🍴🥪
Ha ha! As someone who works at "The Blending Lab", welcome to my world ;P Blending is never 1+1 = 2 no matter how much logical sense a blend theoretically makes. I find that you can pretty safely predict the structural changes - acidity, body (tannic structure + alcohol), fruit forwardness, sweetness - but where it all falls apart or at least becomes something closer to alchemy is the flavor profile. How it actually TASTES is at least half a shot in the dark every damn time. You have to keep tweaking it in small degrees every which way until it starts to get worse, then revese course. Or introduce a thirid wine, etc. It's a lot.
You know, I think I'm going to post a companion post eiter Friday or next Monday as I just did my own blending experiment, and I'll be sure to plug yours here when I do! Let's see if we can get this blending idea more traction....